I suck. That is what I tell myself anytime I think about doing any scriptwriting. Otherwise known as writers block. I suck and everything I do, have done and will ever do will be nothing more then a load of crap. Why bother.
This semester is supposed to be fun, I think i have put it on a pedastal and now I cant even reach it and things are not so fun. Just crappy and by the way I suck.
I suck academically, creatively, physically, socially, romantically, hell even the things that I do I suck at. I am terrible at pokemon and any other video game. I cant train the pokemon right to be of any use in an online battle, all i do is collect them. And I probably do that wrong to. The only reason why I may seem good is that everyone else around me who plays it hardly cares at all.
If I didnt care about sucking then sucking wouldnt bother me. BlaH. yes capital h at the end.
I suck at life. I'm 23 years old and what do I have to show for it?
A sucky degree, that means nothing at all, and is easily undermined by anyone I talk to. What knowledge hav i gained these past 4 years, only what everyone else already knows.
How a movie is created? Yeah everyone knows that. Honestly what was I thinking?
I should have done something more useful like be a forensic scientist. That is what mum recently told me that she always thought I would be. So guess im not living up to her expectations. Thats a stupid thing to say as mum didnt mean it that way. But remember how I said I suck? Well I suck at that too.
Galina is trying to talk me into doing a masters, i said if I could do it on webisodes and create my own as part of my thesis then i would consider it. But ooh guess what I bet the idea sucks and the results will suck.
All my ideas suck once said out loud or written down. Theres never enough to pull it through and so it fizzles into crap and i abandon it.
The pressure I have put on myself to make something worth putting on tv is making me not want to do anything. Theres no way I can succeed not when I suck so much.
Anyways back to my accomplishments.
I've never had a girlfriend or any desire to have one. And I know thats wrong, thank you society. I dont take risks. theres no drinking or drugs at all. I stay at home sucking instead of going out to do god knows what it is they do.
Ive already lost a tooth because I suck at dental hygiene. I cant cook beyond putting something in the oven and waiting. My cooking abilities often pointed out when I am late to get started and my job is done for me.
I have over 300 plastic colourful dust collectors, and some of them are wrong because I suck at that too.
And yet despite all this suckiness I'm still a likable person. So I have that going for me, no matter how much I suck you all don't seem to care. Which is nice. Damn now my rant has been mellowed. Reality checks suck that way.
I still suck though, because I need to write 10 pages of script which should be fun and I keep not doing it by doing other fun things. Damn why did I buy Final Fantasy 4? Pourquoi?!
At least veronica mars season 2 gives me some television to analyses. Which then depresses me. I have GOT to stop comparing myself to great television. These people have a staff of writers, bouncing ideas and dialogue around in a semi-controlled environment. Mapping out seasons and multiple character arcs.
Im just one rookie, bouncing an idea around with me, and some asain students who dont understand or some samoan guy who doesnt care.
He really peeves my off. It is insane that the lecturers let him do the things he does. Why is it that every class I choose, turns out to be the one time its extra crappy?
Except documentary screen for some bizaare reason. And I hate documentaries but damn it that class was fun. It all comes down to the people. If I had have done creative theory, the ultra intense paper. I would be having fun right now. I know it. Bah.
Wow, my life is boring. If there was a tv show about this? Sheesh. Right now would just be 40 minutes of me sitting on my bed with a lab top on my stomach with my eyes closed as I think about the exact thing that I am doing.
Riveting stuff. If there was an explosion outside I would probably just continue to sit here, unless it broke my windows then I might take a shower. I didnt take a shower today and thus never offically woke up. Maybe thats my problem. Im not ready to face the day yet. Instead I spend hours playing ff4, then watching vm then having dinner. some more vm and then im here on the computer.
If i wasnt so damn scrawny I would be fat.
Plonk. That is the sound of my brain hitting the side of my head imploring me to watch another episode. As they are delicious, except the last one it was oddly out of place. But it was the 4th episode so its forgiven. 4th episodes are allowed to be filler.
In conclusion, I suck because I am old and unaccomplished but I have friends and family who continue to like me despite my sucking which stems from me having writers block for an asignment that should be fun but is made less so by pressure and lame classmates. Procrastination is not good for writers block and only makes me feel crappy however having said that I am going to tear myself away from the boring internet and procrastinate with something a little more fun.
Good day
