I had forgotten how much I enjoyed Hppy Crazy Random Fun Music. The disdain held by the people I live with questioned my faith in its awesomeness. Now as Im using it as a backing track to my brain Im grooving along not just to the individual songs but to the cds as a whole. Theres a thing there thats impossible to describe but it just works so damn well.
I have huge insecurities I know, no matter how many people tell me how awesome my works are I just need on person to come across as unimpressed or appalled and I mentally junk it.
Whats that about? These cds are spreading around the country (apparently) and I think they are subpar? Obviously not as I have returned to them and they kick all kinds of ass. I probably just killed them for a while.
Ive really got to get back in the biz. Metaphorically speaking as its copyright infringing and i make no money.
Anyways this leads me to my scriptwriting. Im told my concept is an interesting, exciting, or cool idea. But i sabotage myself in overthinking EVERYTHING. Thus losing the passion. Im trying so hard to impress everyone that im losing faith in myself before i even begin. GRAGH
Is this the horrid writers block?
But I know what I want to DO! WHY cant I do it?!
Perhaps theres the fear that If I do this right then theres the chance that it could actually become something. And i'd live with that self-doubt forever. See lesbians and karl which I have officially abandoned thanks to some peoples unenthusiasm towards reading it. Bla.
I have to stop being so hard on myself.
I just need to let go and start. Afterall if it fails it was only for a paper at uni anyway. And after reading joss whedons pilot script I am AMAZED that Buffy got picked up at ALL.
There was something there I suppose.
Oh HCRFMV2 where have you been for the last year? This is good times. I dare you to deny me.
OK venting done I need to actually try write the first episode synopsis. Then only 5 more to go!
Dykraines going to get coffee. WHEE
